Allison McKenzie (aka M.F.Luder)

PG

February, 1998

 ________X-FILES 4 EVER________

November 21, 1998

5 blocks from St. Paul’s Hospital

"Mulder? Can you hear me?" says the voice on the other side of the cell phone.

"Yea, Scully what’s wrong?" he reply’s recognizing his partner’s voice.

"They just finished Christina’s surgery. You weren’t here. Did you get hung up?" She has a slight edge to her voice.

"Yea. But I’m about a few blocks away now. Dana? Are you ok?"

"Yea, just a little worried."

"About Christina?"

"No that woman deserves to die. Mulder, I’m going to need your help…"

"Scully, you can handle Christina by yourself."

"Mulder I could really use your help, I don’t have a gun on me." She hints. He finds it strange that Scully, for once, has lost her gun.

"Scully is there something wrong?"

"Yes." She hisses through clenched teeth.

"Scully is there a gun…" he starts catching on.

"Yes, it my 45mm that’s missing."

Mulder press his foot harder on the gas and fly’s up the street toward the hospital.

"Male or female?" he asks.

"Ofcourse, I’m still upset about my sister’s death." She emphasizes sister, implying that it’s a female.

"’Bout my height or yours?"

"Do you remember how tall my dad was? No, she was about your height." Her voice was starting to crack. He guesses that the woman is near her and he growl to himself. Mulder slams on the brakes and jumps out of the car and races to the pay phone he spotted from his car. He picks it up and hits zero. A cop runs over, telling him to move his car, quickly he flashes the officer his badge and tells him to direct all cars and ambulance’s from St. Paul’s hospital. He tells the operator his badge number and has her patch him through to the FBI.

"Mulder?"

"Scully! What happened I thought I lost you."

"Mulder. If you do anything else please get your ass up here and help me." Her voice is really shaky.

"Dana? Dana, I’m coming." he say to her then tells the department he needs a swat team. He tells them there’s a woman in St. Paul’s Hospital waving a gun around. They counter saying they can’t but he quickly tell them his partner is one of the hostages and he says that the suspect was wanted for a case and she was now free, and holding hostages.

"Dana? Dana, come on say something." he say into his cell phone worried that his partner has been shot and has gone into shock.

"Fox." Her voice is barely a whisper but he can hear it’s not because someone is near, but because she’s too weak to talk above a whisper.

"Dana, where are you?"

"7^th floor, two doors down from the surgery room. Fox, I don’t know how long I can last up here."

"Dana, hold on. I’m coming."

Mulder runs and hop back in his car and race to the hospital. The swat team has already assembled around the building. He walks into the truck where the swat leader is giving the orders. As Mulder enters he looks up and eyes widen a little.

"I’m going in there." He says to him.

He looks like he’s about to say no, but he tosses Mulder a hands-free walkie-talkie and says, "Ok. Use this to communicate with us. Once you get in side find out how many people are being held hostage."

Mulder nod and head out of the truck and into the hospital emergency entrance. He put his cell phone back up to his ear and heads to the stair well.

"Dana?" he asks to see if she’s still there.

"Mulder hurry." She sounds even weaker then before and Mulder races up the last steps to the 7^th floor and peeks out the door. He sees the surgery at the end of the hall.

"Dana, on which side of the corridor is your door?" he whisper so no one hears him.

"The left." She says and Mulder starts to make his way down the hall, ducking into a room every time someone was at the window of the surgery.

"Agent Mulder, what are you doing?" the swat team leaders voice ring’s in his ears.

"Trying to get to another agent. She’s my partner and I suspect she has been shot." Mulder reply’s. He turns the knob to the room he thinks Scully’s in. He quietly turns the knob and opens the door. A hand reaches out of the dark, grabs his wrist and yanks him into the room. He’s thrown to the floor. The cold hard steel of a 9mm barrel is placed to his forehead.

"Mulder?" the voice comes from the other end of the gun and he can hear that Dana’s voice is even weaker in person.

"Dana, Jesus Christ!" he whisper and wraps his arms around her. He realizes she is wet. He lays her down and grabs a flashlight from a pocket. He can see she has a gun shot wound in her side. He looks her in the eyes, he can see the fear there.

"Dana," he says pleading, "you have to help me. I don’t know what to do."

"No, Mulder. I won’t make it." She grabs his hand and squeezes it. "I’m ok with it Mulder. I don’t mind dying now."

"No. I’m not going to let you give up. No way in hell."

"Agent Mulder can the swat team move in?" The swat team captain’s voice breaks into his train of though and he looks at Dana.

"Are there any hostages in there with him, Dana?"

"No, he’s alone."

"Yes, they can move in and after that send a doctor to room 24. There’s an agent with a bullet wound in her side." Mulder looks at Dana and smiles weakly. "I can’t give you up."

Mulder looks at the wound and realizes that he has to stop the bleeding. He takes off his jacket and presses it to her side. He places his free hand to her cheek and smiles at her.

"I’m not going to lose you, too, Dana." he says, leans down, and kisses her forehead. "Dana? Remember you told the doctors to freeze me to save my life?" Mulder asks trying to keep Dana awake. Weapon discharge can be heard in the halls and the yells of the swat team.

"Yep, They though I was nuts." She smiled.

"I never thanked you for saving my life. I mean I never thanked you properly. Dana if you make it through this time I swear to god I’ll make it up to you." he says in a pleading attempt to keep Scully from giving up.

"Mulder? Why won’t you let me die?" she asks.

He smiles, looks her in the eyes and says, "Because I can’t think of living without you."

She smiles and closes her eyes.

"Scully? You better not give up. I swear to God if you give up I’m going to find you in heaven and kick your ass you got it?"

"Agent Mulder! Where are you?" the swat team captain voice comes from the hall.

"In here! We need a doctor. There’s an agent down," he yells.

The door opens and in rushes a doctor and two nurses. They kneel next to his partner and start dressing her wound. He pats her hand reassuringly and steps back to let the doctors’ work. He stands back against the wall and watches. They start to move her and she wakes up.

"Mulder?" her weak voice was barely audible and he would have missed if he hadn’t been watching her.

"I’m…" he clears his throat, "I’m here Scully." he says stepping into her view. The doctors have put an IV in her arm and they’ve opened up her shirt and he can see the hole the bullet ripped in her flesh.

She closes her eyes again and Mulder resists the urge to kill someone as he sees the pain in the crevices of her face. They wheel her out and down the hall to the elevator, they were taking her to the ER. He walks down the hall to the surgery and through the swinging doors. There’s blood on the walls, two doctors on the floor and the women, who had killed the doctors and shot Dana, was laying of the floor, bullet hole in her head. Mulder shakes his head and walks out. It’s not his case so he should be downstairs in the ER waiting for the doctors to finish with Dana. He walks down the hall, gets on the elevator and then walks down to the reception desk.

* * * * *

St. Paul’s Emergency waiting room

"Where’s Dana Scully?" you asks the woman at the desk.

"She’s in the ER at the moment, well come and get you when we need information or to tell you when she’s taken out of the ER. Ok sir?" you nod in reply and take a seat.

While you wait your mind drifts through all you and Dana’s adventures. Back through the time Dana disappeared for three months. Your mind replays the time Dana told you she had Cancer.

You remember that. It had been like someone had stick a hand into your chest, ripped out your heart and crushed right in front of you, Like that Indiana Jones movie. That was the first time you realized that you had feelings for Dana. And then you remember having to play dead.

God, that had been the ultimate test. You had played dead before, but not like this. This time it was for the truth and Dana’s life. You remember finding out Dana had collapsed at the meeting, another gut wrenching experience. Dana had look so damn fragile on that bed.

You had risked you life, you career, and you’re on heart in partnering with this woman. She was strong and independent. She had never given up on the logical explanation. You admired that about her. Before Dana Katharine Scully, your work had gone noticed but not enough for people to get really worried. And then you had the great luck to have her thrown into you life. Now, the people took notice. Now, you are closer to the truth than ever.

* * * * *

9:15 p.m.

St. Paul’s Hospital

Mulder is leaning against the wall the when a nurse approaches him. She’s being very timid. Mulder smiles to himself. The nurse stops just outside of the waiting room. Mulder turns to look at the woman.

"Agent Mulder?" she asks timidly. Its obvious you must be because you’re the only one waiting there.

"Yes?" he replies.

"Agent Scully is up in the recovery ward on the third floor. You can go see her now."

He nods his thanks and walks past the nurse to the elevator. He gets out on the third floor and walks a little ways to the hall to the desk.

"Where is Dana Scully?" he asks the large woman behind the desk.

"Are you related to her?" she asks without looking up.

"No, but…" he starts, but gets interrupted.

"Sorry, only family."

"I’m her…"

"I’m sorry sir but I can’t let you see her!" she says standing up.

"You don’t understand…"

"No, I think you understand. You can’t see her. You’re not her family. And if you don’t leave sir I’m going to call the police."

"I AM THE POLICE! AND I DEMAND TO SEE MY PARTNER SPECIAL AGENT DANA SCULLY!" he yells, pulling out his badge and showing it to her, "I’m Special Agent Fox Mulder of the FBI. I am Agent Scully’s partner and I want to know where my partner is, right now!"

She looks down at her book and points down the hall, "Room 23. I’m sorry sir. I didn’t know."

He bites back the words trying to get out and walks down the hall to Scully’s room. He opens the door and steps inside. Scully’s lying on a bed, awake, with tubes sticking out of her. She smiles when she sees him and motions for him to come closer.

"How do you feel?" he asks realizing it was the stupidest question he could ever ask her.

"Like I’ve been shot" she jokes, "Mulder, is something wrong?"

He squeezes her hand reassuringly, "No."

She gives him a weak smile and he kisses her forehead. He puts a hand on her cheek. She leans forward, kisses his cheek, and puts her arms around him. The two of them sit there like that for a while. Dana cries silently into his shoulder.

* * * * *

Nov. 30

2:15 A.m.

Room 23

She lays peacefully in her hospital bed. She’d been in hospitals before so she used her time alone to review what was happening in the X-Files and in her life. Her mother had come up from Baltimore. Her brother had called from a phone when he found out. He had yelled at her and Mulder, coming into the room hearing her arguing with Bill, had taken the phone from her and hung it up.

The door to her room opened quietly and she reached for her 9mm Sig-Sauer. The person came into her private room and she sighed when she saw who it was.

He had his head down. His brown hair falling in his green eyes. He had a trench coat hanging over one arm, the jacket to his three-piece suit was unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around the neck of his white cotton shirt. The top two buttons of the shirt were undone and the tails were tucked into the black slacks. All he need was to be wearing the trench, have on some sunglasses and you could say, by just looking at him, that he was a fed.

She shifted in the bed and he looked up.

"Oh Scully, I’m sorry did I wake you? I’ll go if you want to be alone." Mulder said, already backing up towards the door. Dana put up her hand and motioned to the chair by her bed. Mulder gave her a ‘are you sure’ look and Dana nodded.

Mulder moved to the chair and sat. He leaned back in the chair and Dana was suddenly struck by his appearance. Dana had turned on one light in the room and the light from it hit his face when he sat. She could see ever stress wrinkle and every indentation he had acquired over the years. His eye were alive with fear and vengeance, but also with hope and something she’d seen him look at her with, only at rare moment in their partnership when she would glance or turn quickly to look at him. He had love in his eyes, he didn’t even look at his mother with love in his eyes.

"So, what brings you to my place this time a night Mulder?" She says, cocking her eyebrows at him.

"Oh, I’m…well, Scully to tell you the truth I’ve been coming down here about this time for the past week. I like to watch you sleep." Mulder says, looking right at her.

"Mulder, you watched me sleep?" the surprise is evident in her voice.

"Yeah. I…I really can’t explain why. Maybe its because you look so peaceful and beautiful when your sleeping. Or maybe its because that I’m afraid you’ll die and I won’t be here. Every time one of us gets in trouble the other gets there in time to help out, This time I wasn’t there in time to save you, and that got me thinking. What about next time?"

* * * * *

Dec. 14, 1998

Mulder’s Apt.

Alexandria, VA

She was in his face in a matter of seconds. She had gotten up for the chair and was now standing over him. She had obviously no concern for her own safety at this point. Her carelessness surprised him, but then again she always surprised him.

Her blue eyes were alight with a fire he knew shone for him. The anger in her eyes was backed with something only he could see. Her soul burned on the samething his did. Love. A blind, passionate, carefully checked love that waited to be set free.

She moved slightly and the light from the lamp hit her face. He tried desperately not to gasp. Her lightly tanned face, that always looks so peaceful when she sleeps, was slightly marred by the anger lines creasing her face. Her hair framed her face perfectly.

"Mulder." She paused to get control of herself, "Mulder, I told you back at the hospital that you weren’t late. You saved my life yet again."

"Scully, I didn’t make it in time. You got shot. I was to late to save you from the cancer, to late to keep you from getting abducted. To late to keep you from getting shot. I’M ALWAYS TO DAMN LATE TO SAVE YOU!" his voice had been steadily rising the whole time he had been speaking.

She glared at him and he stood from the couch. He stood over her, but something in her stance, her eyes, the way she placed her hands, it was as if she was the taller one and was staring him down.

"GOD DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO SAVE ME? DO YOU WANT TO FEEL LIKE A BIG MAN? WANT TO SAVE ME FROM MYSELF? DO YOU WANT TO PROTECT ME FROM THE TRUTH? IS THAT IT?" She screamed back at him. Firing questions at him before he could answer.

"I DON’T FEEL BIG WHEN I SAVE YOU SCULLY! I KNOW YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I CAN’T EVEN PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE TRUTH SO HOW COULD I PROTECT YOU FROM IT?" he screamed back. She was pushing his buttons and she knew it.

"THEN WHAT? WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID FOR ME? YOU HIDE THINGS FROM ME! WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME? I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP! YOU COULDN’T EVEN PROTECT SAMANTHA!"

* * * * *

The minute the words left her mouth she regretted them. She had been pushing his buttons and now she had crossed that thin line she had been skating on. She had said something she would only say in the heat of an angry moment.

She could see the devastation on his face. She wanted to take them back but she knew the hurtful words that had been said meaninglessly in the heat of the argument, had taken hold on his already crushed heart.

His face had fallen into what seemed the depths of despair. She knew Samantha’s disappearance played heavily on his mind and so the thought that his work could and had brought pain to the one’s he trusted.

"Out. Get out." He said flatly, no emotion what-so-ever.

"Mul-"

"Just get out. Scully please just go." He looked up at her and she knew there would be no more talking. Not now, but later, when he came to her. Then she would be listened to. Now he was crushed and could hear nothing but the hurtful words echoing in his head.

She left the apartment. She didn’t slam the door, didn’t stomp down the stairs, and didn’t yell up at the outside of his apartment when she got to her car. She just went home. Her mind reeled with images of Mulder, gunshot to his head, Flat at a pancake on the sidewalk, or even drown in his own bathtub.

When she got home she didn’t go in. she sat in her car for ten minutes going through all the possible ways Mulder could commit suicide. She asked herself how she could be so stupid. How could she go so far? She knew him better then he knew himself and she still pushed his buttons. She slammed her fist into the steering wheel.

Suddenly, she realized the thing that Mulder had realized four years ago. He was thinking of her when her tried to protect her. He was scared that she would slip away again like she did four years ago. She realized that she had been terrified by the thought of Mulder turning up dead, again, and this time for real.

She quickly starts the car and backs out of the drive. She needed some food at the house. Mulder would probably be a while, no point in putting it off. Plus she needed to clear her head, but when she got to the store she kept on driving.

* * * * *

Mulder’s apt.

BAMB!

Mulder slammed his fist into the wall, then cried out in pain. His body was ridged. His mind screaming at him.

Dana was right. If he couldn’t save Samantha how could he possibly save her? But did she have to go and tell him that? He knew it in the back of his mind but she could have given him that little hope that he could save her.

He grabbed the picture of him and his father and threw it across the room. He threw more things around and then collapsed on the couch. He buried his head in his hands and cried silently.

"God, Dana. Why did you have to go and say it? Why couldn’t you just walk out instead of pushing my buttons? Do you know what you do to me? Do you know you rip my heart out everytime I see you hurt? And then again when you smile through the pain?" he says to himself.

He looks up and spots his gun. He’s eaten a bullet before… but then it had been an illusion. Now, this time…it would be real. No coming back. No more smiles from Scully. No more pain. And he would never know what happened to Samantha.

"I trusted…no I trust you Scully. Always have, always will."

He leans forward and picks up the gun.

"If it’ll save her pain by taking my life, I would gladly bite the bullet"

* * * * *

Outside Mulder’s apt.

"God, Dana. Why did you have to go and say it? Why couldn’t you just walk out instead of pushing my buttons? Do you know what you do to me? Do you know you rip my heart out everytime I see you hurt? And then again when you smile through the pain?" she hears him say through the door.

She leans heavily against the door. "Oh god Mulder, I know. I know." She thinks to herself. She had heard him throw the things around the apartment. How badly she wanted to run in and kiss his lips and tell him how much he meant to her. How her life would screech to a halt with out him.

How her heart would stop dead the minute she found him gone for good.

"I trusted…no I trust you, Scully. Always have, always will."

Her heart skipped a beat. For Mulder trust was a step beyond love. For him to trust her completely after all she’d done to him almost made her heart stop. She had begun shaking long before she even noticed she was crying.

"If it’ll save her pain by taking my life, I would gladly bite the bullet."

She gasps in horror and starts sobbing out loud.

"Oh Mulder no!" she tries to yell but can’t get the words past her lips.

* * * * *

He heard a sound outside his door. It sounded like sobbing. He had heard that particular sobbing several times over the years. The woman that that sob belonged to never had cried openly in front of him but he had heard it from behind closed doors. Always wanting to rush in and comfort her.

He rose and placed the gun back on the coffee table. He walks silently to the door. Outside the sobbing has gotten slightly louder.

"Oh Mulder no!" Scully’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

As quietly as possible he unlocks the door, opens it and finds Scully sitting on the floor, and sobbing for him. She looks up and he bends down. He quickly gathers her in his arms and carries her into the apartment. He sits down on the couch and she doesn’t let go of him. She cries into his shirt and he rubs her back.

She slowly collects herself enough to look up at him. He saw her eyes clearly for the first time in several minutes. They were puffy and red from the crying but he could still see the love she held for him there. The open question in her eyes. He knew the answer he would give, and she already knew there would be truth behind it.

He leaned down close to her mouth and stopped. He waited there. Asking two questions.

"I love you, Scully."

She answered by leaning forward and meeting his embrace. She kissed him deeply, and passionately. The barriers they had built over the years fell to the shear force of their love. The two questions answered in the one moment he knew for sure that Dana loved him.

* * * * *

She stood. A small smirk on her face. The small apartment was very dull. But then again she only worked on shift out of many. The surveillance equipment cast a small amount of light into the place. She didn’t even know how Fox William Mulder could live in a place like this.

She scribbled her letter to Mulder on her notepad and signed her name. Dana and Fox were in danger. They had to know. She could tell them. She couldn’t bear to think anything would happen to Mulder. She had been trying to protect him but sometimes she couldn’t stop things. She stood and flipped the light switch.

She was 6 feet tall, just like her brother, with long black hair and a wonderfully high position in the FBI. She had been watching Mulder his whole career. He had shown a lot of devotion to finding out what had happened that faithful night so long ago.

She left the small apartment next door to Mulder’s and slipped the note under Mulder’s door. She could protect him from some accidents but for the rest he was on his own.

"I love you Fox. I know you’ll find the truth, someday. I just hope your not mad at me when you find out I’ve been watching you all this time."

Samantha T. Mulder left the building. Before she got in her car she looked up at her brother’s apartment window.

"You do have someone looking out for you in high places."

She climbed into her car and drove away, waiting the day she can tell her little brother all about herself.